In Eckleburg's Eyes - 12/8/2008, Part 3

On Sunday, the gift wrapping continued at my house. (Note: I cannot use a photo as the surprise might be ruined.)

As usual, I spent Sunday with JTH. We met in the afternoon and ran errands at McKay’s and Walgreens. While on the road, RAW called to see if he could borrow my truck to procure a Christmas tree. We returned home to get him the keys. I briefly got to see KJW, but she refused to give me a kiss. The family had been in Morristown all day. She told me that she could not kiss me because she had yet to take her nap!

After delivering the key, JTH and I went to the Great American Steak and Buffet Company, a traditional favorite of ours. The restaurant has really declined. Neither of us are picky and we could find nothing of quality. I think I ate more than I have in awhile simply trying to find something that tasted good. The number of pies and potatoes has been reduced to one apiece! It was quite sad.

Afterwards, we stopped by the Wal-Mart on Clinton Highway. There I found an unusual item: an air freshener called “Vanilla Pride”. I recommend this for the white supremacist on your shopping list.

We then met ALK at my house where we watched two movies and wrapped gifts. First, we watched Summer Catch, a 2001 film starring Freddie Prinze Jr. and Jessica Biel. JTH had seen the soundtrack at McKay’s and had never seen the movie and was interested. We all enjoyed it, though ALK and I had seen it before. Then we became the victims of false advertising.

It had been a happy night up to this point. We had found two important lost items. ALK had found her cherished bracelet which she felt she had lost the previous day. JTH found the remote control to my DVD player. (The latter discovery was admittedly far more important.) Then we put in the DVD, The Stone Angel.

I selected this 2007 movie because of my affinity for Ellen Page. I assumed she was featured prominently in the film for three reasons:

1. Her face is as conspicuous as anyone else’s on the box cover.
2. The cover reads, “‘Ellen deserves another Oscar nom’-The Hollywood Reporter”.
3. The synopsis on the back cover reads, “Ellen Burstyn and Ellen Page star in this uplifting movie...”

All of these claims are misleading. Ellen Page does not appear until 78 minutes into the film and her character, like everyone else in the story, is killed off after only eighteen minutes of minimal screen time. Not only had I not seen Ellen in the first hour of the film, but I did see Cole Hauser’s bare bottom. Despite this, her picture is on the cover. Who does she think she is, Audrey Tautou after Amelie?

Secondly, the Ellen in question of the Oscar nom is Ellen Burstyn, the film’s star. The only Oscar nom Page could have received from this picture is best cameo. I realize this is only slightly misleading, but let’s be honest. Ellen Burstyn is a phenomenal actress, but does anyone buy the DVD to see her?

Finally, the last item is the most fraudulent claim. First off, as mentioned, Ellen Page hardly stars in the film. Second, “uplifting” is a ridiculous line. This may be the most depressing movie ever. Per capita, this movie rivals Rambo in death count. On what planet would this movie be considered uplifting? It might lift you up to a noose if you are suicidal. It might make you feel good that you are not any of the characters in the story. The soundtrack alone would depress most viewers. Suffice it to say, this is not a feel good movie. Lesson to learn: when main character is named Hagar, the film probably will not have a happy ending. See Genesis 16 and 21.

It is not that the movie is bad. It is just not what it is marketed to be. On the plus side, the book on which the movie is based has been banned by some school boards and high schools, usually following complaints from fundamentalist Christian groups labeling the book blasphemous and obscene. So there is that.

I will give them credit, they sold me. Was 18 minutes of Ellen Page worth it? Of course.