My weekend was spent participating in events spanning three cities and two states, or just a typical weekend in the insanity that has become my life.
I spent Friday night working the last night of the “Giant Vacation Bible School” hosted by Knoxville Christian Center (KCC) at Karns High School (KHS). Upon my arrival, I was again offered anointing by the same woman who had performed the task on the previous night. This being the case, I declined. What is the half-life on anointing anyway? I am hoping more than twenty-four hours.
On this night I was the embodiment of the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30). I had been entrusted with little the previous night and proven myself capable and on this night I was given far more responsibility. I must note that there is a part of me that thinks that this is a fine reason not to prove oneself capable...
I spent the early part of the evening checking in the high school congregants at they got off of their buses. This task was far more challenging than it sounds. As I had the roll, I also was privy to their many unique names. 12-year old Aviva Wolever (pictured) has yet to find out the origin of her name. I also met a girl named “Kwanza Magwood”. My favorite name was possessed by a seventeen-year old girl named Iesha Smith. I asked her if she had ever heard the 1990 song of the same name by the kids R & B group Another Bad Creation. Not only had she heard it, she was named after it! Using my keen powers of deduction, I suspect her parents were very young when they had her.
The event started as each night had, in the KHS auditorium. As I entered, youth pastor Justin Reeves was in the process of having the mass assembly scream “Jesus” like raving lunatics. I am simply opposed to this common practice at youth functions. This only shows that the kids are fans of screaming (who isn’t?), not Jesus. Perhaps this was designed to get the noise out of their system.
He also admonished, “If we catch you fighting, you go straight to juvy.” He added that the offenders would not be riding the bus home and that he would press charges to “every degree.”He then talked about the love of Jesus. While I understand that these kids need discipline (perhaps more than most) and that correction is a sign of love, I just don’t see Jesus doing this. The scenario of the words originating from the mouth of a fundamentalist is proof that you become the God you worship.
After having said this, I must admit I don’t know if I would do much better when faced with the dilemma of maintaining order and demonstrating the love of Christ in such a setting.
The kids were again captivated by the skit the drama team performed. On this night, they pantomimed to Lifehouse’s song “Everything.” Trevor, who had starred the day before as the devil, portrayed Jesus. I asked if this was symbolic. He laughed. I felt like MLM seeing deep meaning where none was intended. If I learned nothing else from this VBS experience, it was the power of a dramatic presentation.
We then went to our class room (the choral room). We had “only” 64 on this day and the kids were well behaved making it far easier than the previous day. AMB taught on the on the Parable Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). He retold the story in modern terms. Note: Cell phones really hurt the modern day re-telling of the story. His Southern interpretation of Jesus’ question, “Which of these three do you think proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell into the robbers' hands?” was which one “did him right?” I do not think that could have been translated better.
Jennifer Cheves (JLC) and I were given the vast responsibility of counting the night’s “power words”. Like each night of the event, AMB offered $20 to anyone who could correctly count how many times he said a given word in his lesson. Since it was the last night, there were two words - “neighbor” and “Jesus.” I counted the former and JLC the latter. We had fun checking on each other throughout the lesson. After a big debate on whether or not “neighborhood” should count, there were 45 neighbors and 39 Jesuses (Jesi?, what exactly is the plural of Jesus anyway?) So, on this night, Jesus lost out to neighbor. Somehow that just doesn’t seem right.
Unfortunately for him, AMB forgot the number of neighbors and continued taking guesses after one child had already given the correct answer. So he shelled out two $20 bills! Katherine Barnes, a huge High School Musical fan, was one of the winners.
There were many “prizes” given out throughout the event. The one most kids got and used immediately was a Flashing Mouth. One of the lasting images I will take from this function was a huge crowd of kids who looked like they were wearing glowing braces.
Our refreshments were the coup de gras of VBS food - pizza (from Domino’ s Pizza) and Pepsi. I actually poured the Pespi while counting power words. Still no spills. It was a God thing, what can I say?
After VBS, I drove to MoFoS, where I hung out with JTH and picked up some new releases. At some point in the week, the store inexplicably bought guitars in at $50 apiece. You may be asking why a retail store that sells only media would buy guitars. I know I was. While I do not know what they plan on using them for, Cole, JTH’s co-worker, serenaded the customers much of this evening.
Friday also marked the 22nd birthday of WRK.
I spent the majority of my Saturday driving to, attending, and driving home from the National Wrestling Alliance (NWA)’s “60 Years of Excellence” show at Philips Arena in Atlanta. The big draw for me was not the headliner Sid Vicious (the wrestler, not the Sex Pistol) or even the old-school wrestlers who were inducted into the NWA’s Hall of Fame. I drove to Atlanta to spent a night with my good friend, MHD.
The drive to Atlanta went relatively smoothly. There was some congestion around mile marker 281 but nothing like the hassle I endured several weeks ago taking the same route. I broke the trip up with stops at McKay’s in Chattanooga (naturally), Ryan’s, and my-all time favorite Goodwill in Lilburn, Georgia. I decided to eat at Ryan’s as it was very close to McKay’s and our local Ryan’s closed down. The food was no better than I remembered it and on top of that I ate garlic bread which gave me a bad case of halitosis. Not wanting my friend to endure garlic breath all evening, I picked up a generous portion of peppermints on my way out the door. I am pretty sure that they had been there been longer than I have been alive. That did not stop me from consuming the entire lot of them. I had no complaints on my breath all evening.
I arrived at MHD’s house right on schedule at 6:15 pm. He then successfully navigated us to the arena using back roads. We were attempting to avoid re-paving on the interstate which has substantially increased traffic...in Atlanta. (That is saying something.) No one was more surprised that we had no problems doing so than MHD himself.
MHD is well. He runs fanatically and is in great shape. Spiritually, he has joined Randy Pope (RPP)’s megachurch Perimeter Church. He is very pleased with this decision. He also recently got baptized for the first time. Well, sprinkled anyway. Just kidding, MHD.
MHD and his wife also recently purchased a dog. He is half Schnauzer and half Papillon. He is named Klaus as he “looks German.” Klaus barked vigorously upon my arrival. His owners said it was the first time he had ever done this. MHD speculated that he might have been sensing the presence of evil.
We had a great time at the show. Neither of us follow wrestling all that closely these days. MHD has been disenfranchised since the Benoit murder-suicide. He did attend TNA’s premier annual event “Bound for Glory” on October 14th at the Gwinnett Center in Duluth. I had not seen a show all year. MHD’s alternative was watching going to view the Sex and the City movie with his wife, so he was pleased just not to be there. A detailed review of the show will be posted soon under the heading “View from 315A.”
The show lasted three hours and after driving MHD back to his home, I hit the road back to Knoxville. I arrived at 2:34 am. I wonder how many ministers who preached on Sunday were out all night because of a wrestling event. What can I say? I am part of an elite group.
On Sunday morning, my erstwhile bodyguard WAM and I made our way to Newport, Tennessee and Southside Baptist Church where I preached on the call of Matthew (Matthew 9:9-13). I debuted my new Bible during this sermon. For WAM’s countless insights, check out the WAM Quote of the Day. I really ought to make that feature plural...
My family came out in full force. We would have 13 at our table for lunch after the sermon. My cousin’s good friend JS (aka “Buttafuoco”) even changed his work schedule to attend. As you can see, my grandmother evidently thought I was preaching on Joseph’s coat of many colors (Genesis 37).
I was greeted by Eddie Lennon (GEL), the deacon of the month. He and his wife had just returned from a trip to Europe to where they attended a memorial service for his wife’s relative, Robert Mercer. He died in World War II and his last act before dying was navigating the plane he was flying out of the way of a residential Belgian community so that he alone would die. The town wished to commemorate this selfless act with members of his family present.
Just prior to preaching my childhood friend SDMW led the congregation in the hand jive to kick off VBS “Beach Party” week. I never dreamt I would one day do the hand jive immediately prior to preaching. SDMW is well and her beautiful redheaded daughter Carly is now 4 as of last Sundasy (June 1st) . Time has flown.
After the service, my family ate lunch as usual at the Holiday Inn. The place was unusually empty, possibly due to it being the first weekend of summer. This was fine as it left more pie for me. I love pie. I would have preached there for the pie alone...
On Sunday night, I watched the Celtics win Game Two of the NBA Finals with a 108-102 win at RAW’s house. KLTW, KJW, MP, and RAW were in attendance.
KJW was hyped up. She had eaten Reese’s Puffs cereal for breakfast and had never really gotten over the sugar high. She was still sweet though. One of her new acts is replying “Argh” to the question, “What does a pirate say?”
I brought my meal from McDonald’s. When she sees the golden arches, KJW instinctively says “Happy meal.” She has been indoctrinated young. She saw me eating and though I shared my french fries with her, became indignant. She thought I was holding the toy out on her!
MP and KLTW studied for finals as RAW and I watched the game. They were discussing agists - people who discriminate based on age. I was declared a dumbist. I could not argue.
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