I hope everyone had a great fourth of July weekend. Mine was fun, but for the first time in recent memory I did not attend an official celebration.
I usually spend my Independence Days on CAL’s farm in Newport but she opted to visit some college friends in Bristol. JBT’s party was abruptly cancelled when he decided to visit Myrtle Beach instead. I was asked to go with RAW and company to a fireworks display downtown but decided to stay home as I am unimpressed by fireworks. To me, if you have seen one, you have seen them all. So, I ate with my parents at Calhoun’s and worked. It was a great day.
On Saturday, another party was postponed. Due to inclement weather (or at least pessimism regarding the weather) a cookout at The Estate was cancelled. Instead, SMA and I made the first of potentially many trips scouting for ancient UT sports memorabilia as SMA has plans for a room with a Volunteer theme. One of the eventual goals is to have the room so ridicuously adorned that it is covered by Ken Schwall on a local news segment. We wish to inform Schwall that the room was modeled after our mental image of Verne Lundquist’s Tim Tebow shrine.
At my suggestion, we improvised a trip to the Sweetwater Flea Market in Sweetwater, Tennessee, approximately 35 miles from SMA’s home. The place has many interesting vendors. If you are interested in commemorate soda bottles, unopened packs of Ricky Martin Upper Deck trading cards, or a mailbox designed to look like a fish (pictured), this is the place for you. The Sons of the Confederate Veterans of Tellico Plains also have their own booth. So, if you like seeing moustaches (or even the tv show Deadwood), this also merits a stop.
The flea market has its own unique foods as well. Since I eat desserts only on Sundays, I promised SMA a return trip in which I will sample both cracklings (in a store titled only “Hillbilly Treats”) and a fried Twinkie. I have no idea what a crackling is but will not seek to find out until after I have fulfilled my vow to taste one.
There was one entire building devoted to selling nothing but commemorative soda bottles. Despite having shelves full of soda, the UT items had already been plundered. We realized that antique stores will be our best bet for UT items, preferably stores located out of state.
The most exciting item we found was this Tennessee flip it slot machine game. It is the game where the player inserts quarters and mechanical spinners and arms push a stack of coins towards the edge in hopes of pushing coins over the side. Unfortunately it was not for sale. We did see some intriguing UT pins and a great phallic shaped Tennessee night light, but the only item we went home with was a Christmas ornament for $4.39 (tax included).
On our way out of Sweetwater, I noticed a sign that advertised an “Antique District” off of exit 62. With nothing to lose but time, we veered off course and found five antique stores within a block: Main Street Antiques, Sweetwater Valley Antiques, Bobby Todd Antiques, Antiques and More, and Cones Cupboard Antiques. We found a great supply of clarinet cases and even more commemorative soda bottles. I especially liked this one, honoring a Shriner anniversary in Atlanta. I showed great restraint in leaving it on the shelf.
We also hit pay dirt. Recently, one of the people who consigns space at Main Street Antiques set up a Tennessee display. We would have bought this light for $69 but found a crack in it. If anyone knows where we can locate another one, let me know. SMA was conservative in his selections, but still bought three items:
- UT chalice: $5.
- 3" Reggie White Headliners Heroes of the Gridiron (1996) figurine: $10.
- Football Time in Tennessee magazine Volume 8, 1995, with Peyton Manning on the cover from his sophomore season: $6.
So we spent far more money in gas for the trip than items purchased on said trip, but we were pleased to find four keepers.
SMA plans on making a Craiglist soon for his UT memorabilia. An ancient flask on display at the Alumni Hall store is the Holy Grail of UT items for SMA.
On the way home we stopped at Bojangles Famous Chicken ‘n Biscuits as SMA had not yet eaten. While there, he developed a great marketing idea: takeout boxes that play Sammy Davis Jr.’s “Mr. Bojangles” upon opening. This proves that our brilliant advertising strategies are not limited to just Dyron Nix!
Upon returning to Knoxville, I went with my parents, an overworked RLP and SPP (aka “Big Red”) to Ye Olde Steakhouse to celebrate SPP’s birthday. Ye Olde Steakhouse has served the best steaks in town since 1968. I was consulted on the departure time and suggested 6 pm. Almost immediately, the time was set at 5:15 as it always is. I have no idea why they even bothered asking me. (Note: SPP did not bring the birthday glasses that everyone else must wear so this photo is more banal than it should have been.)
My favorite part of the evening came when Eddie Black (HEB), one of my father’s associates from Leadership Knoxville, waved to him from across the restaurant. My mother asked if he saw us. I informed her that HEB just waves aimlessly across restaurants just so he is confident he has not snubbed anyone. I made sure to do the same when I left. My mother was not as amused as I.
While there, we saw JBN (aka “The Meat Doctor”). I informed him of his creation on a wrestling video game and of his potential portrayal of Verne Lundquist in a spoof video. He really did not know how to respond. I don’t think I would have either.
I then returned home where JTH, Mr.X and I watched Be Kind Rewind. It features Jack Black and Mos Def cheaply remaking famous movies after Black erases an entire store’s collection of VHS tapes in Passaic, New Jersey. We all thought the film could have been better if it did not take itself seriously as the premise did not allow for that. The film tries to make a grand statement on gentrification. JTH was pleased as his all-time favorite film Happy Campers is referenced in the movie. Do not feel bad. No one who does not know JTH has ever heard of it either.
In sad Knoxville news, I passed the former site of the Disc ExchangeWest and it is now a Charlie’s Super Pawn.
On Sunday morning, Sunday School was held at RAW’s. I arrived to find KJW eating breakfast in a huge sombrero left over from Cinco de Maio. It engulfed half of her head. She loves hats of any kind. When WAM arrived, she called him “Uncle Bill.” The only people who receive the uncle title are Bill and her literal uncle Pete. We have no idea why. I have tried to get her to call me “Avuncular Chan” as avuncular means ”of, pertaining to, or characteristic of an uncle.” When she said it, it sounded more like monk-ular. KLTW think this should mean “like a monkey” while I prefer to think of it as “like a monk”, which is sadly accurate on many levels.
Oh, Sunday School went well too...
On Sunday night, JTH and I met SRM at Chilis. SRM is the only person he knows who has actually eaten their much advertised baby back ribs. It had been far too long since we had hung out. He is well, still working at ImagePoint where he has moved into middle management. He still plans on going back to school and getting his master’s in structural engineering so that he can one day own his own business. His daughter, ARM is well, and his second daughter is due October 11th. Though names have been suggested, they are presently a state secret.
As we all worked at the same daycare for a time, we updated each other on the kids we had seen recently. Most interestingly, JV, a high school male, now dresses as a woman and works at Torrid, a plus sized goth store. It is alarming there is big enough market for such a store. He is saving up for a sex change.
In other news, KM had her entire back tattooed. Another former pupil will remain nameless as she was suspended for having sex in a school bathroom at age 13. We did such a good job with those kids...
The only positive update came when we found was that Laquon Boyd had his picture in Thursday’s News-Sentinel as a teen model. He is a rising senior at Bearden High School. This means we are old.
After eating, I went to MLM’s for the third week of the Summer Breeze Bible Study. We had nine attend, including LEJ for the first time as she made the long trek from across the street. It was a productive study. I only made one completely inappropriate comment, down from two the previous week. The highly problematic I Kings 22 was brought up and given to me to research. So, if you have any thoughts, let me know.
After the study, I rejoined JTH and SRM at my house. (They had been elsewhere, I did not just leave them there. SRM shared some of his favorite YouTube comedy clips from Dane Cook and Demetri Martin. We have both really missed SRM.
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