In Eckleburg's Eyes - 6/2/2008

I spent my weekend encountering people associated with the law in one way or another. This was actually good as I was not charged with any crimes. That I know of.

On Friday morning, I received an unusual request from CAL, a lawyer in Newport. She wanted me to drive to Newport to marry a 21-year old man and 17-year old girl against the girl’s parents wishes. The girl is pregnant and the man is in the military and wanted her to receive his benefits. The situation proved to be volatile and CAL knew that I would not be particularly alarmed at the prospects of being shot at. So I put on a suit and tie and was ready for action but before I left the house, CAL called to let me know that someone in the courthouse had married the couple. I was a little relieved. I was not concerned about the potential danger but rather the ethical decision of marrying a couple I did not know. Though I would have requested to talk with them beforehand, it would not have been enough time to properly assess the situation and as such whether my responsibility to God would have been compromised. In any event, I missed out on my first emergency wedding and I donned a suit and tie for nothing!

I spent Friday afternoon with SMA, a soon-to-be lawyer. SMA’s bar preparation course is proceeding as planned. The course material has moved from contract law to evidence. Thursday and Friday’s video lectures were provided by Cornell University’s Faust Rossi (FFR). Insert your own deal with the devil joke here. I have not heard SMA comment on a professor’s voice this much since he was in the great David E. Linge’s undergraduate class.

SMA realized that his middle school classmate Joel Hanisek (JFH) is in his bar preparation class. JFH’s mother (DFH) taught with mine at Sequoyah Elementary School and as a child I often shopped at his father GFH’s baseball card store, Investibles. JFH is quite accomplished to say the least. He earned a Bachelor of Arts from Davidson College and a Master of Divinity from Yale Divinity School. JFH was selected to be the Presbyterian Church (USA) representative to the United Nations. The press release can be accessed here. This success could not have happened to a nicer family.

SMA and I ate lunch at Soccer Taco. It had been too long since our last visit but the Enchiladas World Cup was as good as I had remembered. We learned that though our favorite waitress, Josie, is still technically on the time sheet though she no longer works shifts. Though Caucasian, and fluent in both English and Spanish, she spoke in broken English at my request just so I would not feel cheated out of an authentic Mexican experience. Our waitress, Jessica, was also Caucasian but spoke perfect English. No one is perfect.

The restaurant’s televisions were divided between a rerun of Paraguay’s 1-0 victory over Uruguay from October 17th in a 2010 World Cup qualifying match on ESPN Deportes and the Scripps National Spelling Bee.

The 1994 winner (winning word: "antediluvian."), Ned Andrews (EGA), was actually in the class below SMA at the Webb School of Knoxville. His obnoxious behavior was even featured in an episode of “Cheap Seats!” He went on to earn a bachelor's degree from Yale University in 2003 and graduated from the University of Virginia School of Law (naturally, a lawyer) in 2006. He now lives in Danville, Virginia, where he serves as assistant commonwealth's attorney, the Virginia equivalent of assistant district attorney. He also holds the record for the most questions answered by a mob on the NBC game show "1 vs. 100" (49 from December 15, 2006-January 19, 2007). Of all of those accomplishments, I am by far more impressed by the appearance on “Cheap Seats.”

While at the restaurant, we were graced by the presence of JLT (aka “JTT”, CEH gave her the name when Jonathan Taylor Thomas was huge - we have known her for a really long time). She looks exactly the same (which is a good thing). She now works at the UT Law School. Her official title is "Advancement Assistant III." She was dining with her boyfriend Marco, who is very charming. They still play a lot of poker. She again agreed to watch The Burbs with me. We have been attempting to do so since 2000.

We then got SMA his allergy shots. He began getting them again on Wednesday after having had no problems for three years in Birmingham. What is in the air in Knoxville?

We than began a wild scavenger hunt as SMA needed to shop for an upcoming birthday. As usual, we ended up buying more for ourselves than the person we were shopping for. We started at Cat’s Music & DVDs. SMA had not been there in some time and our visit was exceedingly short. SMA summarized, “This place still sucks.” Now it is confirmed and I hopefully have spared you from a similar visit.

After striking out at Cat’s, we went to Borders. While there, SMA asked about the Border Rewards program. We both have our cards swiped frequently but never seem to get any benefits. Evidently, one gets $5 back for every $150 spent, but these vouchers expire and the user must get the points on line.

Our next stop was Target. It was there that we made the best purchase of the day. SMA bought a Lando Calrissian Mighty Muggs figurine. I think the teeth make the piece. Its tag notes that it is "made from 100% recycled awesome." I cannot argue that.

We then made a rare trip to West Town Mall. This was a true sacrifice. While there, we saw CEH who had gotten back from her mission to trip Asia only two days earlier. We also bumped into EBB. As usual, he was with a girl. This twenty-year old named Jenn was evidently not his girlfriend. He is still the Marketing/Broadcasting Director for Carson-Newman Athletics and has taught some broadcasting courses during the summers. He also updated us on several stories of interest:

• He had been texting ADF all day and he plans on returning from Arizona and taking a graduate assistantship at Carson-Newman College. I honestly did not know he had left Knoxville.
  
• His former roommate James Banks signed as undrafted free agent with the Cleveland Browns on April 29th. He had declared for the NFL draft on January 7th. As a junior at Carson-Newman last season, Banks caught 22 passes for 370 yards and six touchdowns in the Eagles' run-happy veer offense.. He was originally a Tennessee player but was dismissed from the team for repeated disciplinary offenses on December 10, 2004. In his final season with the Vols (2003), Banks led Tennessee receivers with 42 catches for 621 yards and six touchdowns.
  
• EBB alleges that recent Tennessee basketball player JaJuan Smith has been banished from associating with the team at Bruce Pearl’s request. JaJuan evidently is a leading area drug dealer and under serious investigation by the TBI. EBB’s source is one of Smith’s former high school teammate in Athens. I hope this is not true. JaJuan is perhaps my all-time favorite Vol.

Our last stop of the day was at Game Haven. It was a good day of hunting.

SMA had me listen to a band called The Bird and the Bee. They are an indie (naturally) musical duo from Los Angeles. They have bee featured prominently on “Grey’s Anatomy”. I was pleased as they covered the Bee Gees’ “How Deep Is Your Love.” Is it just me or do Bee Gees songs sung by women sound very similar to Bee Gees' versions? If you are into indie music, check them out.

My favorite quote fo the day from SMA: “For starters, God did not need to make ugly people.” It is not as incriminating in context. He was lamenting the fact that we get distracted by appearance and miss the true beauty in people. It sure sounds better unqualified. Fear not WAM, you will be the only person who receives a Quote of the Day feature.

On Friday night, I met JTH, PAT (who was in town to film a wedding), and JBT at Applebees. GAB was out of town with his girlfriend, whom he has reconciled with. SCB was in Virginia for a bridal shower that JBT opted to miss. I cannot say that I blamed him.

We watched the Celtics clinch the Eastern Conference championship with a win 89-81 over the Pistons. Everyone at the table was pleased as we all wanted to see a Lakers-Celtics final.

We had one of our usual waitresses, Amy. She asked JTH, “Are you still with that girl everybody hates?” When we updated her on his situation, she replied, “It looks like they hated her for a reason.” I love Amy!

Amy also supplied us with cards that allow us to eat half-priced appetizers any time the store is open. Evidently, these have been distributed to regular guests for two weeks. This is awesome! Did I mention that I love Amy?

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On Saturday, I ate with my parents at Silver Spoon. My mother wanted to sit outside. This proved problematic on two levels. First, it was unseasonably hot, but not unbearable. Second, there were ants all over our table. The restaurant moved us and closed the table for the day. Reasons I do not eat outside...

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On Sunday morning, I convened Sunday School at Shoney’s. There are few combinations as pleasant as Bible Study and the breakfast bar. We did a walkthrough of Matthew 9:9-13, the text I will be preaching on next Sunday. For WAM’s brilliant yet outside of any box known to man interpretation, read the WAM Quote of the Day.

After “class”, WAM and I ventured to nearby Oak Ridge. Since Mr. K’s Used Books did not open until noon, we went to Wal-Mart first. The highlight was WAM selecting this Batman cowl and attempting to surmise whether or not it would fit his cat. I really hope no one associated with the ASPCA reads my blog.

I spent Sunday afternoon and evening with RAW and KJW. Whenever I go there, I discover new television networks. While we talked, we had the Boomerang network on in the background. It aired an episode of "The Batman" and a 1968 edition of the short-lived "Wacky Races." My favorite part was when Batman was in peril, KJW said “Oh no!” Don't worry. He evaded the danger.

KJW was not interested in either show, but suddenly aroused when we switched to the omnipresent SpongeBob SquarePants. We watched the show for the umpteenth time. Sadly, I had seen the episode before. (Note: KJW is that little and the television is that big.) I was thrilled that when she saw that I had brought her a board book (Christmas ABC by Alice Gold and Linda Clearwater), she requested we turn off the television and I read to her. Upstaging SpongeBob is rare.

When KLTW returned from work, I picked up food from Kroger. As you can tell, KJW enjoyed the meal. Some of it even made its way into her mouth. KLTW brought home her fundraiser for her program at South College. The donor scratches off a donation amount and then pledges the number that is on the tab. Donations range from to 0 to $2.50. Mine was 75¢. For doing this, I received a coupon sheet of eight coupons. The sheet’s header reads “Great Savings.” When KLTW inspected it, she categorized them as “sucky.” If you would like to make one of these sizable donations to South College and receive some "sucky" coupons, let me know. I will hook you up.

KJW is doing well. She has developed three unacceptable phrases - "go away", "stupid", and "shut up." We know she picked up shut up from staying around her aunt’s dogs but we are not sure of the origins of the other expressions. She is still incredibly sweet and well-behaved.

She is becoming quite the little lady. She asked that we put a bow in her hair. Less than a minute after we did, she wanted it off. Accessorizing. Rapid inexplicable changing of the mind. She has become a woman so fast...

She also suckered me into changing her diaper. Her father asked her to go to her bedroom and return with a wet nap and a diaper. First she came back with white shoes, then a massive bunny. Finally when she was asked, she said, “No I wanna play with toys.” After she accidentally trapped herself in her room (which was priceless), she returned with a diaper. I asked my usual question, “Do you want your uncle Chan to change your diaper?” She has been well-trained that the proper response is “No.” Not on this day. So I changed her diaper. I guess I suckered myself into it. At least this was during the episode of SpongeBob which meant that there would be less squirming than usual.

Her parents as also well. RAW’s tax return was not what he had hoped. Due to his low tax liability, he and KLTW received a $600 refund instead of the expected $1200. They also have yet to receive the $300 for KJW. This money shortage has caused RAW to take drastic measures regarding his beloved Trans-Am. He was going to use the money to fix the car, but now he has decided to attempt to change the gasket himself. The procedure itself is relatively easy, but getting to the engine in this particular vehicle is challenging and especially daunting without the proper tools. Pray that all goes well.

Though he did not get the promotion he applied for at Best Buy due to laziness on the part of management, he has been told he will receive a PDG. This is to assess what he needs to do for promotion. This will be the third of fourth time they have promised him this courtesy. The problem is that he is too valuable in his present role and management simply does not want to move him. His success seemingly has given him a dead end job. He and KLTW have even discussed threatening to quit, but with a wife a and baby, he cannot afford for his bluff to be called. Keep his job situation in your prayers as well.

The entire day went off without any significant tantrums. KJW did bump her head. She requested her Frannie Bear through her tears and she rubbed its ears as she cried. It evidently worked. Just before bed, KLTW put KJW’s hair into a Pebbles Flintstone style. It takes true beauty to pull this look off. In fact, this is actually KJW’s “beautiful face.” When this request is made, she tilts her head to the side and looks innocent. Looks can be deceiving.

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In some professional updates, I received a letter from West Lonsdale Baptist Church acknowledging that they received my resume and would consider me when they seek a pastor. They claimed not to be seeking one presently. I have suspicions that the church no longer has the money to do pay two pastors and they really like their youth minister. Two things of note: 1. the letter was addressed to “Bro. Vinson.” 2. the deacon chairman who sent it (unsigned) was one of my high school coaches.

I also received a call regarding potentially filling the pulpit during the month of August at English Mountain Christian Church (located at 166 Epley Road in Newport). The man who usually fills the pulpit when the pastor is on vacation died recently. I would especially be interested as one of the church’s former pastors was Fred Craddock. Keep this opportunity in your prayers.

It also appears that I will be preached the “Classic” (Read: old audience) service at Central Baptist Church of Bearden sometime in July. I will let you know if and when this comes to fruition. Thanks for your support.