In Eckleburg's Eyes - 3/24/2008

I hope everyone had a meaningful Easter. I was grateful to be home to spend mine with my family.

JTH, PAT, and I embarked on our return to trip to Knoxville on Friday morning just before 11 am, barely complying with the checkout deadline. I will give you three guesses as to who was making our "rapid check-out" less than rapid and the first two do not count.

We opted to drive straight home instead of stopping to watch the UT basketball game at a restaurant. We were able to catch some of the first half action on the Westwood One station around Columbia, but I had to call MPW to learn the outcome. I cannot remember the last time I did not watch the Vols play. Thankfully they won giving me another opportunity to see them in action.

We stopped to eat Maurice’s Gourmet BBQ, located at 1141 Lake Murray Blvd in Irmo. We had passed a billboard with an affable looking elderly gentleman’s picture and the claim, “My BBQ will make you happy.” He looked honest enough and it was worth the risk. Besides, I like supprting people named Maurice or anyone else who speaks of the pompatous of love.

It turns out Maurice Bessenger, the namesake of Maurice's BBQ (and the man pictured on the billboard), is most known for flying confederate flags at his establishments after the South Carolina legislature finally decided to remove the confederate flag from the capital dome. So evidently I supported a raging racist. If it is any consolation, the food was good. His BBQ prominently features mustard, which was different from BBQ I typically eat in Knoxville. I would not say that it made me happy though. SMA, can I sue for false advertisement?

The trip home was relatively quick and thankfully uneventful. The highlight came when JTH sang Kenny Chesney’s “Beer in Mexico” as he listened on his iPod. We thought he was kidding around. It turns out he did not even realize his singing was was audible. Before this, I thought I was tone deaf...

Having driven for thirteen of the last 46 hours, I honored my Jewish roots and rested on Friday night.

Well rested, I was at Ross the Boss when its doors opened at 8 am on Saturday morning. I speak not of Ross the Boss, the guitarist (Freedman), but rather the local salon owner of the same name (Badgett).

Having not had my hair cut in about six months and with job interviews coming up, a haircut was in order. PDB administered the trim. She has been working there for 22 years, but she has not cut my hair in years.

The process took 38 minutes and my thick hair jammed the guard three times. My haircuts have rarely taken longer than ten minutes so this was a new experience. The epic length was due in part to the length of my hair and in part to PDB’s perfectionism. She even put gel in my hair. I have often felt the salon was overpriced but on this day I felt I got my money’s worth.

To see just how nappy my hair got, PAT took a picture of me after I ran in from the rain in Charleston. It is posted on his blog here.

When I arrived home, my dad asked if I got a haircut. If I did not revere my father, I would insert a Bill Engvall joke here.

I went to see JTH at MoFos. Just like Ross the Boss, I was there at opening time - 10 am. Unfortunately, JTH, who was to open the store, was not. I called him and my call woke him up. The store opened just a bit late. I stayed for quite awhile and even got to see former employee TKM. We had fun commiserating regarding notorious regulars like “Foxy Boxing.” I wonder if I have a nickname at stores I frequent often?

My Saturday night was spent at Applebees with my parents, KLTW, KJW, and RAW. Guess who picked the restuarant. DNV and KJW played a game of Peek-a-Boo. I believe KJW won though I have never been too clear on the rules.

Sunday marked the earliest Easter since 1913. It just does not feel right when Easter falls in the same week as St. Patrick’s Day and Spring Break. It will not be this early again until 2160.

Why is this? The standard rule of thumb is that Easter falls on the first Sunday after the first full moon on or after the vernal equinox. This essentially true. The dating of Easter was derived at the monumental Council of Nicea in 325 CE. Emperor Constantine (272-337) wished to establish a universal date for Easter celebrations around the world which would be known far in advance. The only flaw in this system is that the dates for Easter were derived from an often inexact set of tables and a complex mathematical formula. This does, however, explain why there are such a wide range of dates for Easter.

My family celebrated Easter at the Green Hills Grille in the Western Plaza shopping center. We had an isolated room to ourselves. I do not know if this is because the restaurant was ashamed of us or not. Three of my four cousins were there, suburned from a recent beach trip. Since we had extra space, local realtor WDM and his wife DBM joined us. I never made the connection as to how they knew my aunt and uncle, but they were nice.

I got to sit by my youngest cousins HLN and ACN. HLN and I discussed the bastardization of Beatles’ songs on American Idol. She watched one performance and abandoned the show in disgust. I do not even watch the show and I knew about the contestants singing Beatles' songs. Why?

ACN was in from Amherst for Easter. She is doing great, as expected. I was a little sad to learn that she will be working this summer at Camp Lenox in Lee, Massachusetts. I am glad she will have more fun this summer than last but I like having her around.

My oldest cousin, HANW, is also well. She showed me a picture of the eggs she painted for Easter. I said, “Speaking of eggs, are any of yours fertilized?” That, my friends, is a segue. She is not pregnant...yet.

My food was not good. I ate bacon wrapped scallops. The bacon was soggy, which ruined the meal. It is my own fault. My policy when eating at fancy restaurants with my family is to order whatever my cousin MLW orders as we share the same simple tastes. I will know better next time.

Afterwards, I went home and watched the Tennessee-Butler basketball game at my house with KL, WAM, MPW, and RAW. Well, KL really did not watch the game, as you can see. My thoughts on the game are posted under a “View from 315A.”

On Sunday night, I joined KL, KLTW, KJW, MPW, and RAW at Kentucky Fried Chicken. I do not think I had eaten at a KFC during this decade. KL had seen ads on TV and decided we should go.

KJW was still in her Easter dress. We were the only ones in the restaurant, so she ran wild. She did well at church, with one exception. Her parents were paged as a father with a goatee picked his child up which made KJW miss her daddy. Evidently she was inconsolable. Otherwise, all went well.

As we left, KLTW kissed my passenger window for seconds, leaving a noticeable lipstick print. (I realize this picture is vague, but I had to try to document the moment.) I could not believe it as I am known for not washing my car. What a fitting way to end Easter - a sacrificial act of love.