In Eckleburg's Eyes - 6/6/2008

I had a great, but long Thursday, highlighted by working at a massive Vacation Bible School (VBS) held at Karns High School. The event was creatively marketed as “Giant Vacation Bible School.”

My Thursday Bible Study met as usual. We debriefed on the text I will preach on Sunday (Matthew 9:9-13). I was given clearance from the tower to proceed as planned. The most unique aspect of this study was that CMU is experimenting with an exercise program developed in Russia. Every fifteen minutes he does push ups and squats. I got tired just watching him. The program is designed to improve one’s max. Presently, he does 34 pushups every fifteen minutes. I wonder if this is where the “Russian Jumper”’s training originated. (To view the Russian Jumper on YouTube click here.)

We will begin the summer movie reviews on Monday as we attend the 1:50 pm showing of Ben Stein’s Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed at the Regal Downtown West Cinema 8. The film is a CMU pick as it follows Stein’s attempt to determine the merits of religious based Intelligent Design/Creationism. The group is meeting on Monday as MLM will be out of town on Thursday. Feel free to come.

I was enlisted to perform as an actor in next week’s VBS at our church on Thursday and Friday. The company is in desperate need of male thespians (as evidenced by my recruitment). MLM and JER, who will be filling the quota early in the week will be out of town the last two days. I will be playing the (starring) role of Jeremiah on Thursday in a presentation of the story of Baruch and Jeremiah (Jeremiah 36) and Friday I will be participating in pantomiming the parable of “The Good Samaritan” (Luke 10:25-37) This will be my first “formal” acting since my days in Newport, tapes of which are still circulating in underground circles. I was hoping to work with TJW, who is our church’s acting guru, but I will have the next best thing - acting with his talented wife, JLW. As long as I get to wear a bathrobe, I will be satisfied.

On Thursday night, I went to VBS with my neighbor, PTD. One of her daily exercises is walking the neighborhood and praying for the members of each household she passes. If she did nothing else, this would make her a great neighbor. She called on Wednesday to see if I could assist at her church’s VBS as they were experiencing a shortage of workers. An unpaid laborious Christian job? Of course I was in. I met her at her house and we drove to Karns where I would be supervising eighty twelve year olds. Some people might call this hell. I wouldn’t blame them if they did...

The “Giant Vacation Bible School” was hosted by Knoxville Christian Center (KCC), of which PTD has been a member for more than 20 years. The church and the VBS are the brainchild of pastor Barry Culberson (BRC). He left his church in Lexington, Kentucky, in 1980 to start the KCC. He grew up on a secluded mountain in Georgia and had an unpleasant home life. Were it not for someone recruiting him as a child to VBS, he would have never have heard about Jesus. As such he has a special place in his heart for children, especially those who are outside the realm of the traditional church setting. His brother Ronnie (RWC) directs the program.

Each Saturday, buses patrol areas in a ten-mile radius and enlist children to come to church. These same routes are used to recruit kids to VBS from East Knoxville. This year, nineteen buses (rented at $150 apiece a night) transport 1400-1700 kids from East Knoxville to Karns. They have held the function at Karns for three years having consistently outgrown previous locales. Younger children participate at the church’s facility while children ages 6-18 are instructed at the high school. Evidently the big draw is free pizza. Perhaps I should offer pizza to anyone attending my sermons...

When we arrived, I was anointed with a oil by a woman. This was new to me. Before the festivities began I was greeted by Dan(iel) Mills (DLM), 29, who admittedly did not want to be there. In fact, I do not know if I have ever seen one so openly opposed to a volunteer position. He has already secured a different job for the 2009 VBS. Naturally, I liked him.

The theme of this year’s VBS is “Sonworld Adventure Park 2008", naturally accompanied by hideous lime green t-shirts sold for $8 a pop. My working hypothesis is that VBS picks the most hideous colors imaginable as t-shirts can be obtained at a discounted rate in bulk. Any experts? The theme was not really used with these older children.

The event has had some serious behavioral issues in the past and police were stationed at the event. I was informed that there have been fewer fights to break up this year, though there was evidently some drama on the bus there on this night. The group had to be reminded that this was not “not VBS hookup.” as evidently there were some PDA issues on Monday. Thankfully, I experienced no such problems.

The event began in the auditorium, where the KHS drama department performs their plays. They had a band complete with smoke machine. I (inappropriately) laughed out loud when the young singer acknowledged the great crowd. They chattered throughout and paid little attention to the band. The event was emceed by youth pastor Justin Reeves. He attempted to quiet the crowd with this line - “I hope you have a good excuse for interrupting God at VBS when you get to heaven.” If that is God’s biggest complaint, I think they will be okay.

A video was shown from a group called “Larval Comics.” Then a dramatization of the song “When She Cries” (not the popular Restless Heart verison, but the Brett Nicole Christian song of the same name) was done by the youth drama. This really drew the audience in. The star was a kid named Trevor who plans to go to school to be a youth minister after schooling at Lipscomb or SWBTS.(I made no comment). He played the devil in the skit. It was very telling when many of the children asked teachers if he was playing a father or the devil.

We then led the kids through a corridor to the choral room where our class of twelve-year olds met. The speaker was a former cop and one of the other “table teachers” was an army ranger named Todd. Just when the kids thought they could not be any more intimidated, I showed up.

The teacher was a man named Tony Barnes (AMB). He resembled Kenny Chesney at least in size, race, and hair style. The father of two is a 1996 graduate of Karns and will turn 30 in a couple of weeks. I was so pleased when PTD described him as “so young.” Until two months ago, he worked for the KPD, where he had served for seven years. He now works for the feds in Oak Ridge shooting machine guns all day. His patrol was in East Knoxville and Mechanicsville. He knew many of the children from patrolling their neighborhoods. A local charity supplied him with candy and he distributed it to children in the area. He had given his dramatic testimony the previous night.

He was the perfect speaker for this group as he understood where the kids were coming from. The previous night he had grabbed their attention with the story of Maury Davis, an ex-con who is now a megachurch pastor in Nashville. One night he was hopped up on hallucinogens and murdered a woman. He received a life sentence and was converted in jail. Miraculously, he was released and now serves as pastor Cornerstone Church in Nashville.

On Wednesday night, a kid named John Cotner was saved at the event. AMB recognized the name. His father has John Louis Cotner III and known as “J-Cool”. He was second in command of the infamous Imperial Insane Vice Lords gang based in Walter P. Taylor Homes before being busted in 2002. A woman who witnessed another crime gave up his whereabouts in exchange for immunity as everyone knew the police were after him. AMB was so pleased his son had found Jesus.

AMB set out a challenge at the beginning of his lecture to keep the children’s attention. He established “life” as the word of the day. Volunteer Angela Montgomery (AM) then counted how many times he said the word in the course of his lecture. The child who correctly guessed the number received a $20 bill. While this certainly kept their attention, I feel it was also a little detrimental as their attention may have been misdirected. Hitchcock always put his cameos at the outset of his films so audiences would not be focused on finding him and miss his film. AM counted 24 occurrences and a child name Morgan left $20 richer. Not to criticize a fellow volunteer, but if AMB said “life” once, he said it one hundred times.

AMB’s text was Hebrews 12:1:

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, (Hebrews 12:1, NASB)

He ran with the analogy of the runner. He had two children run a race indoors. (I have been in administration too long as I was worried about liability.) The two children tied. Then he placed his backpack on one of the children, Tabron Pittman (TP). He then listed potential sins and each time a sin was referenced he loaded the backpack with a a free weight. By the time he was done, Tabron had thirty pounds of baggage and when they reran the race, he lost handily. Interesting, the turn was what got him.

I must note that TP’s name was run of the mill for this event. One middle class white girl was named “Aviva” but had no idea what the name meant. My name tag read “Chan V.” One girl asked if my name was “Chanu” which would have been appropriate on the night. PTD simply thought I was Chan the Fifth...

AMB’s other visual was having his seven year-old son, Isaac, recite Psalm 1 to demonstrate that no one is too young to memorize scripture. He has done it since age five and received an ovation from the kids.

As AMB spoke, I had the very difficult job of preparing the snack - Pepsi and Famous Amos cookies. You will be pleased to know that I did not spill even one drop.

My old daycare student Heaven Leigh Woodall (HLW, yes, heaven-leigh) was in the class. For those involved in my Sunday School class, she is the child we paid to attend our church’s daycare. She has graduated from the daycare and now attends Bearden Middle School. This was her first year attending this particular VBS.

The night concluded by hauling hundred of kids into the gymnasium where many played basketball and generally chaos ensued while I guarded a puppet stand with my life. So in four hours I guarded a puppet stand and poured Pepsi. This is one of those ministries where presence is the objective. I can only hope that we plant seeds and that someone else will eventually water them (I Corinthians 3:6).

I arrived at RAW’s house around 10 pm, and caught most of the Celtics 98-88 victory over the Lakers in Game One of the NBA finals. I watched the game with JTH, KJW, MPW, and RAW. I was amazed to see MPW without KL (aka "Sunshine"). I refrained from singing Bill Withers’ classic “Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone.” KLTW was with her classmates for a rare night out at Bailey’s Spots Grille.

When I arrived KJW informed that she was watching “KG.” Her father’s favorite player is Kevin Garnett. He has also taught her to say “Big Ticket” KG’s other moniker. She also knows where everyone works. She does get this confused look on her face when asked “Where does Chan work?”