In Eckleburg's Eyes - 6/5/2008

On Wednesday I finally began my training at the Hope Resource Center.

The seminar was held at the organization’s campus location (at 823 Melrose Place, next to Gus’ Good Times Deli if any of you need free STD testing). I knew the general vicinity of Melrose, but it has been some time since I had been on that road. Unfortunately, there was construction on this particular road on this particular day and the workers inexplicably took down the street sign. So after circling the block a couple of times, I guessed it was my road that had no sign and forutnately saw the place. Fearing I might be late, I parked in a nearby lot. I am pretty sure this was illegal...

I soon saw a friendly face as MLM arrived at the same time I did. (If I arrived concurrently with MLM, I probably was late.) His daughter DM was working at the front desk as she volunteers on Wednesdays. She begins graduate school this fall. It was good to see familiar faces in a new environment.

The training was done in a relatively small room with a kitchen. Lunch was provided from Firehouse Subs. So we ate while discussing the many (highly appetizing) symptoms and consequences of STDs.

I quickly learned that this was simply an STD seminar and not counseling training . There were three women employees present and six male volunteers. I was the only trainee, but eveyone was patient with my learning curve.

A nurse practitioner named Marda Collings (MPC) led the proceedings. She was very informative. but I am pretty sure that she added the clause “and stuff” to every sentence she spoke. I was amazed how little I knew about STDs. In retrospect, I am not sure that is a bad thing.

During one portion of the session, MPC noted that if a patient continues smoking any substance while having genital warts, they might as well name their wart because it was going to be there forever. I noted that this would make for a great top ten list. Amazingly, everyone loved the idea. So, coming soon will be the Top Ten Names for your Genital Wart. If you have any suggestions, e-mail me at wchandlervinson@gmail.com.(Note: Be thankful I resisted the urge to illustrate this paragraph.)

The most interesting thing I learned there was that condoms made from animal skin exist. Naturally, being highly porous they are virtually worthless. If I had learned northing else, this was worth the trip to campus.

On Wednesday night, JTH and I visited Mr. X. We were told to delay our arrival as a limb fell in his driveway. We did not grasp the magnitude of the situation. It would be more accurate to say a small forest fell in their driveway. Fortunately it landed between two cars or it would have done some serious damage. The family was climbing the tree only a few short months ago, but woodpeckers have decimated the trees’ stability. Note the amount of derbis in the background.

After we assisted Mr. X and brother-in-law JAH clear the driveway, we all played a game of H-O-R-S-E. I was the impact player if you will, but not due to my skill. Naturally JTH won as he shot after me. This is a photo of his game-winning jump shot. Order of finish: 4. Mr. X (I am pretty sure he missed some shots to be kind to me); 3. WCV; 2. JAH, 1. JTH.

After the game, we went inside and watched the Will Ferrell comedy Semi-Pro. The premise is that Ferrell is Jackie Moon, the owner-coach-player-promoter of a fledgling basketball team called Flint Tropics in 1976. Yes, tropical Flint, Michigan. It was typical Ferrell with some scenes cracking us all up. If you like Will Ferrell, you will like the movie. If not, don’t bother. Within the next week, I will post a review under the heading “A Veiled Tell: Nil Soli.”

At the end of the movie, Ms. X and her dog Hemi joined us. She had severely dislocated her middle finger the day before working at a kennel. The cast on her finger made her constantly flip us off. She did not seem to mind...

Typically, we closed the evening with a meal at Applebees. Unfortunately, it was after 10 pm so we did not have the opportunity to use our new VIP cards.