In Eckleburg's Eyes - 5/6/2008

I had a very busy Monday, burying my grandmother in Newport in the afternoon and celebrating Cinco de Mayo with my friends in Knoxville later in the evening. While the two appear to be very different gatherings, both were celebrations.

My parents and I met a group of “mourners” at our church at 2:30 to caravan to Newport for the funeral. The support was overwhelming. We had assumed the funeral would be small as virtually all of my 94-year old grandmother’s friends were dead. We were wrong as several hundred people attended to support us.

On little notice, my church sent three representatives from the ministerial staff - RWB, MLM, and GWS. We were amazed and honored. RWB and MLM shared memories from their first funerals as ministers with me. MLM was working in Chattanooga just out of seminary and was called on when a stranger died. He preached on I Corinthians 15. RWB’s funeral debut was horrific as two weeks out of seminary he performed the funeral for an avowed atheist and alcoholic who committed suicide in front of mother while watching television! Their horror stories made me appreciate how good it was that my grandmother’s eulogy would be given by someone who knew her, even if it was me.

The trip up was great. My father drove, which provided a nice reprieve. SPP, an adopted family member, road with us making the journey far more enjoyable. This was my first experience with Knoxville’s rerouted interstate system. I-40 closed on May 1 forcing us to take the bypass, 640. If the detour delayed us, the postponement was negligible.

My immediate family all wore blue as it was my grandmother’s favorite color. Many of her dresses and virtually all of her automobiles were blue. Amazingly, my father did not own a blue shirt and had to go buy one to coordinate with us. This is the beautiful blue coffin my grandmother was buried in.

The funeral went well. My cousin HANW and I reunited and formed the same tandem we had from my grandfather’s funeral over a decade ago. I delivered the eulogy and she sang Stuart Townend’s contemporary Christian hit “In Christ Alone.” She was great. MLM did note that I did not shake each member of the funeral party's hands (as is protocol), but otherwise the ministers in attendance were complimentary of my performance as well.

My barometer on funeral sermons is that if the sermon comforts the family to the degree that they do not cry and makes those who did not know the deceased weep, then it is a great sermon. I do not know if the eulogy was great, but my mother was comforted and that was good enough for me.

It is strange what people take comfort in at funerals. My mother was ecstatic all day because my grandmother was buried on a beautiful day. It was one of the prettiest days I have ever seen, with nary a cloud in sight and a breeze that made the weather pleasant. The view of the mountains from her plot is striking. I, on the other hand, took solace that she was buried between her two beloved older brothers, Chandler (tombstone pictured) on her left and John M. to her right. It just seemed fitting.

The staff at Manes Funeral Home could not have been better to us. The two proprietors, Chris (CLA) and Conchita Austin (CFA), knew my grandparents well. CFA said that when she was ill, my grandparents brought her something daily. She took great care in preparing my grandmother’s hair. We were very appreciative.

We were especially interested that my grandfather had shared his experiences at Pearl Harbor at length with them. This was interesting as it was a topic that he never discussed with the family. My grandfather was stationed at Pearl Harbor when it was bombed on Sunday morning, having had a late night out the Saturday night before. Presuming the navy was on maneuvers, his initial reaction was “these navy guys have gone too far this time.” He knew the attack was real when a water tower fell. He could clearly see a Japanese pilot from the ground. (He never truly got over his resentment of the Japanese and was offended when my parents bought a Subaru in the 1980s. I was offended because it was a lame car.) My grandfather rushed to secure weapons but they were locked up and in different places. He only had a .45 but he shot at the plane while still in his underwear. It did no good, but it made him feel better.

The army, fearing an invasion, quickly went into action to block the island’s beaches. By Wednesday, they finally realized that an invasion was not in the works. My grandfather went to see the girl he had been with the night before the attacks and learned from her mother that she had married another soldier! I also learned that my grandfather dated one of the legendary Andrews Sisters during the war. We believe it was Maxene. It was not a serious relationship and he may have merely shared a dance with her. Her overprotective father allowed little more.

It was great seeing many of our old friends. As usual, my good friend and new local attorney CAL made my day. I commented how proud I was of her brother, WML, on his new job in Seattle with Microsoft. I thought it was an accomplishment worthy of an article in the local paper. She admitted her pride to but added, “It’s not like he’s a lawyer or anything, but I am proud of him.”

Before leaving Newport, we made time to visit the local Goodwill that DLB has managed the store for 4½ years. DLB babysat me for years before we lived in Newport. We were all glad to see her.

I rushed back to Knoxville to attend the Cinco de Mayo party I had planned. I provided the supplies while RAW hosted the event and KLTW served as taco chef. Before going, I had pillaged the local Wal-Mart and Party City of many Mexican products. Wal-Mart even had a “Cinco Centro.” That means “Cinco Center.” I have never had a Spanish class. Are you impressed?

KLTW and I took KJW to Food City to acquire the tacos and their toppings. It is always fun shopping with them and pushing KJW around the store. We bought numerous toppings and taco shells. We did forget one thing ... the meat. This is sort of a significant portion of the taco. We called JTH and he correct the omission.

We had a great crowd. Ten people showed up: JTH, KL, WAM, DBN, MP, KLTW, KJW, MPW, RAW, and myself. I must lament that KL and MPW were conspicuously absent a good part of the evening, often venturing off by themselves. Ah, young love...

It was especially good to see DBN. (Yes, he is still married, we just do not get to see his wife.) DBN regaled us with a series of jokes. My favorite - Question: “What did the necktie say to the hat?” Answer: "You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while." I have really missed Mongo.

Everyone was supplied with a sombrero. I actually had no complaints as everyone wore theirs willingly. It was worth the price just to see KJW in the hat. We set the radio to WKZX 93.5 FM (Regional Mexican) and KJW danced much of the night.

The food was also a hit. KLTW has a career in taco making if radiography does not pan out. I bought something known as chicharrones, which as far as I can tell are Mexican pork rinds. DBN asked who purchased the fried pork fat and when I confessed, he told me that I was a good man. Still, I do not think anyone sampled them. We ate a Cinco de Mayo cookie cake from Wal-Mart for dessert. Though this did not seem to fit with traditional Mexican cuisine, it was a hit.

We then went outside to waste a Dora the Explorer pull piñata. I bought Dora because she is one of the few characters I felt the Walker family would enjoy demolishing. KJW’s fist cousin Jake loathes Dora and his hatred has been contagious. Yes, a 6-year old has that big an influence. DBN and I had filled it to the max with candy and we were ready for action. Or so we thought...

We found we forgot something else - we had nothing to beat the piñata with. So we improvised, using KJW’s plastic carrot baseball bats left over from Easter. We all took pot shots at Dora, though never at her face. I am not sure what took more abuse, the ill-equipped bats or the piñata. Things got out of hand quickly when WAM began using his karate on the piñata. The event came to a screeching halt when RAW took out his machete and decapitated Dora leaving her head swinging from his patio. To be honest, each turn of events (except maybe the carrot baseball bats) was predictable given the participants. (Note: KJW was absent for this carnage as she was being watched by the always missing couple of MPW and KL.)

The night concluded at a bonfire with the roasting of marshmallows and making of s’mores. This was clearly not very Mexican. I accidentally set my mallows on fire. It was worth it to reference them being “en fuego” and recapturing some of the evening’s Mexican theme.

For the record 5/5 is not even Mexican independence day. Mexico declared its independence from Spain on midnight, September 15th, 1810, and it took eleven years before the first Spanish soldiers were told and forced to leave Mexico. Cinco de Mayo commemorates 4,000 Mexican soldiers defeating an army of 8000 composed of French and traitors at Puebla, Mexico, on the morning of May 5th, 1862. As far as I am concerned a French defeat is always worth celebrating. Then again, I celebrate just about anything.

In a dated, effeminate, and obscure movie reference, do you think Novalee Nation (Nalatie Portman in Where the Heart Is) hated Cinco de Mayo?