I had a great Wednesday night spent with the JCG family. I engaged in one of the longest and most entertaining conversations in my recent memory. Unfortunately, most of it cannot be repeated.
I picked up KGG and her friend KR from the YMCA around 6. I have no idea why two fifteen year old girls find it necessary to workout five days a week, but I have conceded that this is a battle I will not win. Since KGG would be eligible for her license in 44 days, I tried to set a good bad driving example. (I promise I was only in the handicap space for a few nanoseconds.)
I had never met KR before, though I had heard much about her. Like KGG, she just completed her sophomore year at West High School (despite her yearbook claiming she was a junior). She is also dating KGG’s ex-boyfriend BEM (aka “Bam”). Impressively, she did not complain once about spending an evening with an old guy.
I took the girls to MoFoS. Amazingly, Men in Black creator Lowell Cunningham was at the store I referenced him on the blog. Actually, he is regular enough that his presence was not the least bit amazing. I asked him if we would sign the photo from the newspaper article, were we to frame it. He said he would consider it. My plans of naming a specific wing of the store after him were not addressed.
KGG selected Knocked Up (the R-rated version) and The Waitress. KR picked No Reservations and Over Her Dead Body. KGG and her mother both really enjoyed The Waitress. I was pleased that someone did...
After perusing the movie store, we went to Smoothie King. I must first vent that the Smoothie King’s drive through service is ridiculous. The intercom where one places their order is literally two feet from the window making it completely unnecessary. Further, there are also two windows, one on each side of the building. This also makes no sense. Sorry. I feel better now.
KGG is a smoothie connoisseur. She always gets a Carribean Way at Smoothie King and I was instructed to try her favorite “Sunny Day” at the Tropical Smoothie Café. When I follow orders, I will report back. Who names smoothies anyway?
I ordered the girls each large smoothies. I had no idea that this was irregular, expensive, or that the cups were 40 ounces. They required two hands to hold. Who drinks that much? On this night both of these girls did! I honestly do not think I have ever seen one bathroom receive that much use in one night.
We then drove back to KGG’s home where we spent the rest of the night conversing with her parents, JCG and LBG. We interrupted their pork dinner. Naturally, I took a photo of the interruption which was more rude than the intrusion itself.
The entire family is well. KGG got straight A’s, though the official transcript has yet to arrive. Not that we doubt her word. She and her boyfriend Jack have been dating for seven months. Not counting her fourth grade romance with BS, this is a record. Yes, those are the kid’s real initials.
We were soon joined by JTH. He often sees LBG as he picks up one of her special students from school. I will call the child “Nate” (because that is his real name). She teaches Nate at school and JTH has the child at daycare. They commiserated. In fact, LBG compared him to a villain in The Terminator...
JTH has a crush on LBG's co-worker, MB. She is a cute 27-year old who works with special needs children. There are more things I like about her in that one sentence than I have found out about CDM. Speaking of which, she is CDM no longer engaged. Ray Charles could have seen that coming.
The only downside to MB is that she is in a long-term relationship. The guy seems scared to pull the marriage trigger. This means there is still hope! (Read: Dumb and Dumber reference.)
JCG and JTH also have a special bond. This was most evident when they traded jokes. JTH supplied “What did one sagging titty say to the other? Perk up or people will think we’re nuts.” JCG responded with a story about a newly married old couple. The man asked his bride her opinion on sex. She said, “I like it infrequently.” He asked, “Is that one word or two?” It was a very touching moment.
JCG always educates me. I learned that the toothbrush must have been invented in Alabama or otherwise it would have been called the “teethbrush.” He also stumped us with a riddle - What is the one word that when an s is added to the end makes a plural word and when another s is supplied it reverts to a singular term? The answer: Prince.
We talked for hours as usual. I was amazed that the girls stayed and participated. They did text throughout. I do think this phenomenon will be one of those things unique to their specific generation. The next generation will find it dated when new technology replaces texting.
KGG dramatically helped my texting. First she reprogrammed the “word” function as the default and then taught me that if I hit the zero button when the phone spells the wrong word, it will move to an alternative word. It is like a whole new world was opened up.
It was strange hearing my little KGG discuss Family Guy and curse occasionally in front of her parents. The only people with gaping mouths were me and JTH. She also spoke of a hooker hunting (aka H2 or H2Ho) adventure with her dad. If any child services employees read this, they went to gawk, not to hire anyone.
After our evening with the JCG family, JTH and I joined Mr. X at Applebees. We watched the Celtics take a 3-2 lead over the Pistons with a 106-102 win in Game Five of the Eastern Conference Finals.
Mr. X is well. He has opted not to work for B & T Distributing as they were paying only $9.50/hour. Earlier in the day, he interviewed with Kroger and he will start at the high pay rate he was receiving when he left the company. With the prerequisite that he complete twenty hours of community service, he will also be reimbursed for his tuition. During the summer he will work construction with his brother-in-law and at Kroger and then in the school year will only work at Kroger. It sounds like a great plan.
We also ran into Donovan Daniels. He is a local wrestler who grew up in the trailer park with Mr. X. Actually, Mr. X used to mercilessly tease him. His real name is David, but the neighborhood kids brilliantly called him “Gay-vid.” It will take a lot of self-restraint not to use that the next time we go to the matches.
He was very cordial. In addition to wrestling, he also works at UPS for the great benefits. Just last week he has two teeth knocked out and paid only $17 to replace them!
He had just had a match in Pigeon Forge. He travels a circuit that has him in Pigeon Forge on Wednesdays and at the Green Acres Flea Market in Alcoa on Thursdays. There are also monthly shows in Lake City and Lenoir City, with occsiaional spot shows in Knoxville. We tried to get Mr. X to commit to going with us. JTH prefaced his statement with an apology, but said that you always leave feeling better about yourself after seeing the fans. I agreed and noted that they were people like CDM. It was a good night.
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